In Episode #2, Randy's First Kiss, you heard a little bit about the wild world of Zyngïa. Well, Randy was kind enough to dig up the bizarre legend he wrote when he was a kid, and we've typed it up here for your reading pleasure.

Zyngïa is a strange and mystical world. 

It snows upwards, and people talk backwards. Down in Zyngïa, there are two big groups: the Wides and the Shorts.

The Wides have been fighting the Shorts for eons and eons. Each group wants the same slice of the magical forest called Renfruck.

Zyngïa also has a king, King Randy. King Randy mercifully took control of the kingdom after he killed the previous king, Bennett. Bennett was lazy: he slept all day, he played with himself, and he was very ugly.

A long time ago, but not that long in our earth reality, Zyngïa was facing a very important turning point, and King Randy knew that he needed to bring Princess Mel in to help. 

One night, King Randy and Princess Mel met in a stable and had Zyngïan sex. Her vagina was just like the fiery gates of Zomalof--which is the Zyngïan version of heaven and hell. 

Princess Mel and King Randy would often go bareback horse riding together through the woods. One fateful day, he fell and broke his leg, and Princess Mel fixed it. She then kissed his penis.

Zyngïa was populated with my beautiful girls. The other girls were very helpful to King Randy. One girl soaped him down every night just next to a mound of hay. Another girl named Rebecca Tyler would do anything King Randy wanted, because she was under the influence of a magical spell. Her specialty was giving King Randy a "hander" every morning. Sometimes King Randy's best friend Buzzy would hide in order to watch and laugh. Buzzy was a commoner.

King Randy was the best king anyone in Zyngïa had ever seen. He brought fast food restaurants, rock festivals, and hotels down to this mystical land, and everyone was really happy. He even brought down chocolate which made some of the Zyngïan creatures obese.

Long live King Randy!